I was headed to my bed but was distracted by eyes
Eyes. I am drawn in and want to stare in silence
To think. To guess. To be right. To feel the soul through eyes
To be found because I am lost. I win because I lose. I am...defiant.
(my secret weapon)

A self-proclaimed victorious warrior of soul fights
Though my wars have been petty, I fought with an arrogant might
When it comes to winning over myself...I may back down with shame...
Even though it is evil and I playing the same game.
Let's pretend I win. For the sake of self-esteem and show
(no one has to know)

I am empty without selfless surrenders of smile, gifts, and time
Yet everyday I walk with myself on my mind
Bondage.
Unbreakable spirit with very breakable character and face
Replace

Cleansing time
Body, Soul, and Mind.
How can I give it away with with my hands still dirty with clay
How did He give it away...knowing I would rather mold the clay

He gives and He takes away
He took because I never gave
I am running home.

(all from looking into someones eyes. I found myself who I have despised. Dear Lord, Your daughter is home. Naked.)

Hello, dear friend
It has been a while since I have seen your blank face
I know you look at these words with much distaste
But I also know you have missed me

I sat a while in the big blue chair, buried in my book, with someone playing with my hair
I sat a while with my thoughts and the confusion that every friendship brought
I sat a while in silence.
A pattern to this white.

Drama to drama
Apology to apology
Excuse to excuse

Hello, dear friend
While my heart pours out it's desperation
I will mend
Your blank stare, helps nothing in the end.

Timing is such a beautiful thing with such a difficult path
If only I could blink back time
Do my eyes fully express this desire to change things around?
So, I'll accept and embrace what I find....

Life is a little crazy these days with every step I take
Still in the sorrow but joy reigns
Such precious, precious moments of realism and honesty
Feeling the laughter but still traces of pain.

Who am I to think that I have any part in producing freedom
When I, myself, can be caged
I just hope I love with a love unlike any other love...
But what is the cost....what is the wage?

I realize I have the ability to be too serious at times
My desire to understand
My desire to embrace and take away others unjust pain
That would be this childs plan.

But who am I? Do you really want to know? That I have had my skued moments...I, of 20 years old. That the pale skin God blessed me with...isn't a sign of innocence. There will be things never mentioned to others and things that I will willingly admit. But through out all...(though I am not perfect) I have a hard time not being genuine. and that one of my biggest desires...is to love with a love unlike any other love...

I will learn. I  will  learn  ....

All they are...are rambles of confusion
Everyone nods their head
I throw my hands into the air
So soon everything is dead

I am told of a world without me
After that, I am sent a smile
Through gritted teeth I breathe in and out
And I leave to think for a while

For a few seconds I am the one
For a moment I am the best friend
For a few days communication is down
Just to sleep, wake up, and do it again

I don't know what you want
I just know about me
But I'm too much to handle
So maybe I'll leave

I know you're goin' through things
Heaven forbid I am too
My dad just passed away
But don't worry, it's all about you...

It's not that difficult

Just ask

or quit pretending

that's what living is